so ironic how the night i’m turning twenty is the night i feel most nineteen when this past year i believed my age to be twenty just because i knew i was turning twenty and yet i still wasn’t and now that i am, all i wanna be is nineteen
i wish i didn’t remember that my birthday is tomorrow. that this isn’t my last night as a teen. that it doesn’t even matter. but it does. because i keep thinking about it. and i shouldn’t. because it’s no big deal. im just making it a big deal. i wish i wish i wish.
i wish time was on my side. I wish i could enjoy the few hours i still have, but maybe it should be this way. maybe the night i turn twenty is the night i have to act like one.
i wish i didn’t have to write this damn paper. i wish i didn’t have practice everyday and gigs this week so i could allot those times to write. but i have commitments, and i gotta make time for them.
it’s always been like this, i guess. this whole student-athlete-musician priority thing. i’ve handled it well, i believe. it’s just that this night is the one night i’m still a teen, and yet it is the only night i have to write this damn paper.
all i gotta think of is the luck i have on my side, the people that make up my life, and the blessings i have received. i’m so damn lucky it’s a crime to think i’m not.
i hate that i’m making this a big deal. but after this, i won’t. after writing all these words, i shall let go.
i shall act twenty (aka responsible) a night earlier than is expected.
how do you trust someone to love you forever?